Source: "Family Business" magazine
(micro-channel public number ID: jiazuqiyezazhi)
Author: Stephen Covey
Even the happy family , Even great families are out of track 90% of the time. The key is that they know where the target is, where the "orbit" is, and can return to orbit again and again. Dr. Stephen Covey, a "thinking master" in American academia, one of the "25 people who influenced the process of American history," and the "Best Father Award", Dr. Stephen Covey, tells you how to build good family relationships and provides his Practical experience.
Time to solve the problem
Family time is an excellent time to solve the problem. During this time, we can take into account the basic needs and work together to find ways to meet these needs. This creates an opportunity for family members to pay attention to problems and formulate solutions so that all of us can understand, so that all of us will feel that this plan represents us and we are responsible for it.
I remember that during a family night event, my father made a list of all the responsibilities that family members need to perform. Then, he read out the contents of the list item by item and asked who was willing to fulfill which responsibility.
He said: "Well, who wants to make money?" No one volunteered, so he said: "Well, I think it's up to me to do it. Okay, who wants to pay taxes?" Still no one volunteered , So he said, this is also done by him. "Well, who wants to feed the baby?" Well, only the mother is qualified to complete this task. "So, who wants to cut the lawn?"
He then listed all the tasks that need to be completed. Obviously, both he and his mother have done so many things for the family. This is an excellent way to view the work of our children in a reasonable manner. It also really made us realize that everyone needs to get involved.
We know that a mother adopted many children that the state government considered "incurable". These children have all kinds of problems. Almost all of them have dealt with the police. As this lady discovered, family time is great for confessing and communicating. She said:
For many years, when we dealt with these adopted children and our own children, we found that children really need close relationships. Family time can be used to cultivate this relationship. Children really like to get involved. They like to be responsible for certain things-games, snacks and activities, and they like to have a "safe" environment where they can express their concerns.
Just recently, a boy we adopted experienced very difficult physical and psychological challenges. When he was hospitalized, we used family time to inform the children what they should do when he returned home. They had concerns about his behavior (his mockery, etc.), and we asked them to express these concerns frankly. We make sure that they feel safe while remaining honest, which helps them relax and avoid feeling too painful. One of the children did not want to let him come back. After understanding this, we can better solve the problem.
If a family forum can be established to discuss issues frankly, it will increase trust in family relationships and strengthen the family’s ability to solve problems.
Time to have fun
I think in our house, everyone’s favorite family night is when we participate in various adventure activities. Steven is usually silent about these activities, and none of us knows what we are going to play. Maybe it was playing a game of volleyball in the backyard, then swimming in the middle school gymnasium, and then going to the pizzeria to eat. Maybe it’s to go to the golf practice course, let everyone play a bucket of golf, then go to the movies, and finally go home to drink some beer with ice cream. Maybe it will be a fan in the entertainment centerYou golf, then jump on the trampoline in the backyard, tell some ghost stories after dark, and finally sleep in the open air in the backyard. Or we might go hiking with another family to Red Rock Canyon, make a pile of fire-toasted fudge, and go bowling. Sometimes, we will visit museums-art museum, science museum, dinosaur museum. Sometimes we rent video tapes, watch family movies or eat popcorn.
In summer, we might go swimming, or take inner tubes and drift down the Provo River. In winter, we might ski, sleigh, snowball, or skate on the lake. We never know what adventure we will experience, which is half the fun.
Sometimes, another family or aunt, uncle, cousin will also join us. Then, we may carry out a "marathon" that lasts a whole day, which includes hoofing and archery, table tennis, tennis and basketball.
One of the most important factors in all family time is fun. It is fun that unites family members and establishes affection. It is fun that creates joy and joy in the party. As one father said:
Family time gives us the opportunity to carry out activities that are not usually carried out in a hectic life-spend time together and have fun. There always seems to be a lot of things to do-office work, home work, preparing dinner, helping the children prepare for bed. We didn't take the time to relax and enjoy the fun of reunion, which is actually very important, especially when the pressure is great.
We found that just wrestling with children, telling jokes, and laughing out loud is very therapeutic. This creates an environment where they can be assured of joking with mom and dad (or mom and dad joking with them). This makes them feel loved.
If the atmosphere is always too serious, I guess they will think: "Do Mom and Dad really like me? Do they like to be with me?" But if we can gather together regularly, relax and enjoy The fun of being with each other, they will know that we like to be with them. They associate "getting like" with having fun.
It seems that this family time mechanism is helping us (giving us time) to become natural and straightforward. During the week, the children's expectations of family time exceeded everything else. Because we are so happy together, they always make sure that the event unfolds as scheduled.
Even if there is nothing else to do during family time, simply enjoying the fun of being with each other and doing things together will greatly fill the emotional account of the family. If you add other content, family time truly becomes one of the most effective organizational mechanisms in the family.