Text| Xiao Hong'er's mother (the article is original, the copyright belongs to the author, and you are welcome to share it)
How important is father's company and care to children? Reading these points is enough to make you wake up.
Hanhan rarely sees his dad since I can remember, because Hanhan’s dad works all year round, and he can only go home once every few months. , I have to leave before going home. Because of this, Hanhan’s relationship with his father was not particularly good since he was a child, especially when Hanhan was in the "recognition period". Whenever his father came home, Hanhan would hide behind his mother and grandmother, and became very afraid of being with adult men. contact.
After Hanhan went to kindergarten, every family activity Hanhan always had outsideThe mother-in-law, grandfather and mother attended. Hanhan couldn't help feeling sad when he saw that other children were accompanied by their parents.
The kindergarten is planning to organize a family sports meeting again, and my father promised Hanhan to meet Hurry back to accompany Han Han to participate. Hanhan finally waited until the day of the sports meeting, but only waited for his dad’s video call. Hanhan anxiously spoke to dad on the other end of the video.Dad yelled: "I hate Dad the most!"
Hearing his daughter's cry, Hanhan's father felt very guilty, "Let go of work to support his wife and children, and take up work to accompany children", Han Father Han was lost in thought.
At the entrance of kindergartens of all sizes, when school is over, most people see grandparents and mothers coming to pick up the children, and occasionally one or two dads who pick up children have to be looked at by others for a long time. Even the parents' meetings and family activities in schools are mostly attended by elderly people and mothers, and children's fathers are rarely seen. Father’s absence from the child’s growth has become the current status of social family education.
1. The absence of father’s company and care has many bad effects on children
1. Unable to establish closeness with others Relationshipp>
If the child’s relationship with the father is not good, the child cannot receive social skills such as dealing with people and interacting with others from the father. Such a child often feels scared when facing strangers and dare not take the initiative to build up with others Intimate, trusting relationship.
2, make children feel insecure
FatherIt will give the child an image that is tall, trustworthy, powerful, and able to give people a sense of security. When a child grows up without the company and care of his father, the child will lose this sense of security, which will have a big impact on the child's body and mind.
3. Influencing children's gender distinctionsstrong>
Without the guidance of the father in the gender direction of the child, the child is prone to "gender misalignment". "Boys tend to be feminine and girls are masculine" This is a very common social phenomenon now. In helping children distinguish between genders, father’s education is more intuitive and more effective than mother’s. If the child grows up in a family environment that lacks father’s love, then the gender distinction will be very fuzzy.
4. Influencing children's views on marriage and love
In a family environment where only mothers are raised, children cannot get along with people of different genders. Such children grow up I don't know how to get along with men or how to communicate with men, which affects children's love and marriage. And because children grow up without their fathers, especially girls who grow up prefer men who are older than themselves or who can give themselves a sense of security like their fathers. In addition, they have no experience of getting along with men. Hurt.
5. Influencing the character of the child
Mothers usually play a gentle and soft role in the family. If the child is under the influence of the mother’s education for a long time, it is easy to form avoidance and cowardice , Low self-esteem and other bad personality.
In recent years, "widowed parenting" and "corpse parenting" have been constantly mentioned. This proves that the absence of fathers in the process of raising children is more and more common in the overall environment. It seems that mothers should be the main force in raising children, and fathers only need to show up from time to time or not show up at all. So after all What are the reasons that cause fathers to become "deserters" in the process of raising children?
Second, what causes children to lose most of their father’s company and care?
1. I’m busy at work and can’t spare time to spend time with my children.
The social environment in ChinaAlthough the employment rate of Chinese women is much higher than that of other Asian countries, Chinese men still bear most of the family responsibilities. Houses, cars, children and parents, especially the "only child" generation with Chinese characteristics, are putting more and more burdens on Chinese men, and the pressure of competition is increasing. Naturally, male compatriots can only dedicate themselves to work.
2. I feel that raising children is a matter of women.
The feudal tradition of our country for thousands of years is that "males lead outside, females lead inside." It is believed that raising children should be a matter of women. Working hard on your own to create good material living conditions for your wife and children will inevitably reduce family communication. But in fact, at present, the employment rate of women in my country is much higher than that in other countries. In addition to the "important responsibility" of having children, Chinese women have to make money to support their families like men. What's more, even a full-time mother without a job, raising a child is no easier than making money at work.
3. Father is introverted or rude, and has no patience to accompany his children .
Some fathers are very restrained. These fathers have been influenced by traditional customs for a long time. It is possible that they have received this kind of emotional communication from their parents, so they are usually not good at children. Communicate. Some fathers are more rude and authoritarian, unable to accept their children’s "rule breaking" behavior, so they have no patience to get along with their children.
4. Parents’ feelings in the family are not harmonious.
Children who lack parental love. In a discordant family, most of the children are biased towards the mother. Because the mother spends the longest time with herself and treats herself best. Once the relationship between parents Not good, often noisy, the child will naturally be emotionally biased towards the mother, so that the gap between the father and the father will grow, which will cause the father and son (female) to be unable to communicate.
However, the healthy growth of a child requires the care of the mother With the company of the father, only parents play their own roles in the process of raising children in order to raise excellent children. If a father is absent from the child’s growth, it will cause some bad effects on the child.
3. If there is no father, only the motherAccompanying will make children lack some characteristics
1, timid and low self-esteem
Every child has a "strong" father in his heart. She can protect herself from wind and rain, and fight against all difficulties. Every child is a little "fan" of his father, hoping to be accompanied and recognized by his father. If the father usually has little interaction with the child, the child's heart will not be easily recognized by the father, so the child will think that the father does not like him, feel insecure, and even feel insecure. This will make the child not be recognized by people close to him for a long time, and form an inferiority complex and timid personality.
2, no sense of responsibility
In family education, the father plays the role of a "responsible" person. The father needs to be responsible to his wife, to his children, and to work. The father’s company will tell the children that he will be in the future. What kind of role is played in society, what kind of responsibilities should be assumed, and set a good example for children.
3. No opinion
In traditional Chinese families, the father is an "authoritative" existence. Whether it is making decisions or giving advice, most of the things the father participates in. Children will inevitably encounter things they cannot handle when they grow up. At this time, seeking the help of the father can give the child great confidence and learn the way to deal with the problem alone. However, if there is no father to guide the child, the child will become uninspired, drift with the crowd, and unable to deal with and face independently. Question.
In the process of raising children, there are a lot of independence, self-confidence, cheerfulness, etc. Personality is something that only a child raised by a mother does not have. Therefore, being a competent father is not just about making money to support his family, but about actively participating in the growth and education of his children.
Four. Dads shouldHow to do?
1. Love your wife and set a good example for your children.
The best family education in the world is good parental relationship and family harmony. A family with a harmonious relationship between husband and wife can give children a good example. Such children tend to have better personalities and healthier mentalities. They can also have a positive impact on the children's future views on marriage and love.
2. Respect children and keep their promises.
Many fathers just talk casually in order to dispel the entanglement of their children Accept the child’s request. But in fact, they often lose their trust in the child. As everyone knows, this not only damages the child’s trust in the father, but also destroys the child’s sense of security, and even has a bad impact on the child’s character. It becomes difficult to trust people and get along with others.
3. Make time to play with your children.
The power of the father and the male determines that many games. Moms cannot replace the father. When the father plays with the child, the child can feel the father’s way of thinking, the male power and concentration, and the growth of the child Both are very advantageous.
4. Put down your phone and stay with your heart.
Many fathers seem to be resting at home to accompany their children, but they are constantly on the phone and playing games. They are only staring at their phones and laughing while their children are in front of them. This kind of companionship is not as good as not being accompanied. Since fathers plan to accompany their children, it is better to temporarily leave work. Put down your phone, give your child some time, and accompany your child attentively and with high quality, and the child will be happier.
Children grow up only once, and if you miss it, you can’t look back. No matter how busy you are at work and how many things you do, even if you take 15 minutes a day to relax and accompany your child, after all, no matter how hard you are, no matter how sad, your child’s smiling face is the best medicine.
I am Xiao Hong’er’s mother. I am an optimistic and cheerful mother who is willing to share the most practical parenting knowledge and experience.
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