Last year, Jiang Fangzhou said in the show that he was a "pleasant personality": I dare not refute what others say; WeChat sent by others must It takes a second; I’m afraid that others are unhappy, so I don’t say what I say; when others are unhappy, I feel guilty no matter whether I am wrong or not...
I remember that on the barrage, many People are saying that they are like this, which is also a kind of pleasing personality.
Some people say that there are many similarities between people with flattering personality and high emotional intelligence, because such People can quickly perceive what other people’s emotions are, and know what ways to cater to and please others.
But the essential difference between the two is: one is to please others without a bottom line , One is to resolve the awkward atmosphere with its own principles.
Pleasant personality is definitely an unhealthy mental state. Many people can realize that they have this kind of problem, but they can’t change it. Drop.
The flattering personality will make you look down on yourself, but how is this personality formed?
In the final analysis, we still have to return to the family Education.
Because parents have wrong attitudes towards children and education methods , Let the child form this kind of pleasing personality. The term "licking dog" is used by many people to describe a person's state of ingratiating in front of others. If parents don’t want their children to be "dog lickers", they must be careful not to do so in education:
1. Emotionally unstable
Parents who are emotionally unstable will make their children feel insecure.
Because he doesn't know which sentence of his will make his parents unhappy, which sentence will make his parents happy.
So in order to allow themselves to survive in the family, children will continue to speculate about the mood and feelings of their parents, and then cater to them.
Over time, it will form a habit.
2. Parents have stronger personalities
Parents with stronger personalities will naturally ignore the children’s feelings.
In daily interactions, parents use their authority, height, and age to constantly suppress their children, so that children continue to cater to their parents’ needs.
In this process, the children’s behavior, Thoughts are controlled by parents. Over time, even if children have their own ideas, they will be suppressed by their parents. Then they will unconsciously echo the ideas of others in their thinking.
3. Parents always let their children "let others"
"Kong Rong let pears" is a traditional Chinese morality, but now parents increasingly disagree with this idea. p>
Maybe nowBoth of his parents have experienced the moral kidnapping of "let".
Obviously, my own requirements have not been fulfilled, and it is too cruel for the child because others give up what I have.
Don't do anything, then what should parents do to prevent their children from becoming "pleasant personality"?
1. Cultivate children's self-esteem and self-love
One of the most important reasons for the appearance of "pleasant personality" is that there is no bottom line of its own.
When someone makes a request, they will obviously sacrifice their time and energy, but after thinking about it, it seems that there is nothing wrong, so I agree.
This kind of behavior is obviously "not taking yourself seriously" and lacking the most basic self-esteem and self-love.
Parents should not set an example of "no bottom line" to their children in their usual speech and behavior. When the child makes a request, let him know that if the request of others is reasonable, we can help, if it is unreasonable, sorry, I can't do it.
In the process of growing up, parents must first respect their children's thoughts and behaviors. This will give their children respect for others and themselves.
Let the child know how it feels to be respected so that the child will know how to defend his rights later.
2, give your children enough sense of security
There are also many people who "please" because they are afraid that others will not like themselves and that they will leave themselves, so they all agree to their requests.
This is because in childhood, parents did not give their children enough company, nor did they let the children experience the security of their parents.
So, when the child is still young, it is best for parents to stay with the child and grow up with the child.
Quality companionship can make children feel more secure. This sense of security can even cure the child's life.
3. Let children learn to express themselves
There are some people who know where their bottom line is, but when others ask, they always Sorry to raise objections.
Some people say this is "invisible to please personality": I dare not give my own opinions.
When parents are educating their children, they should listen to their children's views and refer to their children's views more. If the child does not know how to express opinions and opinions, parents can guide the child to speak out his inner thoughts.
This not only allows children to dare to express, but also helps children's thinking ability.
Many problems of adults can always be found in their families. As parents, when we educate our children to be "polite", "polite", and "sensible", we must also let children understand that everyone is Have the right to be willful, and have more responsibility and power to love yourself.
(The circle card has been added here, please go to Today's headline client view)
Welcome to join the fan circle of Fulin Mommy, come and share parenting experience with parenting celebrities and like-minded mothers!